Her Second Half Faith

Sometimes I wonder that in terms of what am I doing, where am I going, is my life showing any purpose or intent? I have good days and bad days. Days where I have checked off every box with time to spare, and days where it, put plainly, sucks all around. How many times did the wrong thing come out of my mouth? How many minutes were wasted because I wasn’t perfectly on task? I pause for a moment and notice one of the many phone notifications, and I go into panic mode. Did I pay that bill? Did I forget about an appointment? Did someone send me a time-sensitive message and I have now let them down and lost my status as reliable? Crap – what’s for dinner? Or… Woo hoo – I hit my deadlines early. So glad I took the time to look at the calendar and remember my appointment for tomorrow. Look at that – they really appreciated my timely response to their text. Dinner is going to be amazing because I made time to throw everything together into the Crockpot.

This, my friends is me, 3.0. Version 1 was pre-marriage: single and a hot mess. Version 2 was marriage-kids-more kids-divorce-remarry-raising kids into adulthood. This current version is me in my 50s, empty nest and trying to live a life that still is still honorable as a wife and mom, but seeking God with an earnest refresh. I asked Jesus into my life as Savior at the age of 22, and then as Lord at age 23. These things should go hand-in-hand, but I was still figuring them both out (storytime later). I had a lot of fervor up until I re-entered the workplace outside the home and had to learn how to walk with God differently. Outside my safe bubble as a stay home wife/mom. There have been many, many ups and downs, veers and turns, walking confidently and barely stumbling.

“if we are faithless, He remains faithful” – 2 Timothy 2:13

Praise God for this. I don’t claim to have all the answers, have it all figured out or live perfectly, but I have lived this verse. Much of the struggles in the strength of my faith are as a result of failure to recognize my identity in Christ, and instead relying on my performance in the roles I filled while begging Him to be with me.

“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11

Also, praise God for this – my life verse. Because I have clung to this throughout every phase of my life, even somewhat pre-Jesus, I have never fully given up on hope in the challenging times. So – – welcome to a space for figuring out the next phase. If you’re like me or similar, once a busy mom with no clue how you managed to fit everything for a week into one day and now you’re feeling the void of not being Super Mom, I’d love for you to join me. If you are in the same chronological area but not facing the challenges of missing the littles & wondering how you and the teenagers survived with sharp objects in the house, this will evolve into a space for you, too.

Thank you for sticking with my long intro but I will end with this as my goal: “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” – Philippians 1:21