Shadow

I had planned on starting a new, daily habit: blogging – a little or a lot – every day, starting this month. (It’s August 7). Happy 7th of August. I also planned for the 317th time to meal plan for dinner, pack healthy snacks for lunch and go to bed earlier. (crickets) I feel like I was a better planner in the first half of life, when I had 3 kids close in age, a busy household and a full-time job. Second half has no kids at home, a full-time job and some volunteer work. Second half lately also has me trying to better myself, and I’m just not winning at that just yet. Still working on my participation ribbon.

I’m not fully not winning, though. I have taken several action steps toward being a better advocate for myself health-wise, and I am proud of that. Two are health-related, and one is faith-related. Real quick – because each one could easily take its own post – I’ll share.

1. Less idolatry. Obviously, this needs more context. For now, though, I am examining everything important to me through the lens of “does this serve God or myself?” The effects of this approach are bearing fruit, and the effects are trickling in. My eating has changed. My self-image is softening and becoming something better. My excitement to meet with Jesus is renewing in some areas that had fallen silent.

2. Changing my exercise to a plan that works within my schedule, rather than trying to make my life work for a program. I know there are benefits to sticking with a specific plan, but I also know the depression and frustration that follows when I det derailed from that plan. My current plan has changed to committing to daily movement and using the routines from the plan I was trying to do. I won’t see results as quickly, but it’s about the consistency and not being results-driven.  

3. Back to eating. I realized it had become a form of idolatry. I was ignoring the physical symptoms of improper choices for the sake of fulfilling an emotional need. I can’t fully articulate all of the benefits, the methods and the why’s right here, but cutting back on sugar has helped me enjoy the tastes of other foods and grown my craving for better food.

So that’s the winning part.

I wanted to introduce Doug.

I didn’t want him at first; I only wanted a cat. But he was part of the deal. And now I can’t imagine home life without him. He has some separation anxiety, so COVID was wonderful for him. When I was regulated to working from home for a while, he could not have been happier. I worried about him when I had to transition back to the office. I worried about him a little more when I changed jobs to where I was home even less. I get the best greetings from him when I walk in the door, though.

Due to his attachment, he literally follows me everywhere. We currently live in an 1100 square foot house. I can hear what’s going on from one corner of the house to the farthest one from me, and yet if I am out of sight for about 90 seconds, Doug comes looking for me. Then he follows me when I leave the room again. If I go outside, he comes outside. If he is leading the way back inside, he is looking back to make sure I am right behind him. When I go somewhere alone, my husband sends me a picture of Doug perking up at the sound of a car outside, thinking it’s me returning. When he feels I am settled wherever I’m at – home office working, on the couch watching TV – he stretches out and goes to sleep.

Recently, I realized this is a devotion I strive for in my relationship with God. Where He goes, I should want to go. I should want to be in His presence at all times. And it’s not that He isn’t there. He is. He is indwelling. Emmanuel. A with-us God. It’s that I am not consciously choosing to acknowledge His presence, His leading, His working, His insights. There are times in the office when one of the 3 coworkers who sit to my right say something, and I respond out the side of my face without moving any other part of my body. My more richer times in communicating with them is when I stop what I am doing and swivel my chair to face them to talk – whether it’s a work issue or a fun fact about our weekend. I do the same with God. I don’t always take the time to swivel away from what I am doing to acknowledge Him, even though I love it when I do.

What I haven’t mentioned about Dougie is that he is large. Maybe you picked up on that when I mentioned his breeding. At his heaviest, he was 157 pounds. He is down to about 130, possibly less now, and about 4′ long. He takes up a good amount of space wherever he is at, even if he is curled up in a ball. We are constantly stepping over him, around him, telling him to move or stay or whatever due to the available space. He is ever vigilant in staying near me, though, knowing he is in the way and will eventually be shooed elsewhere. My shadow.

This is where the comparison diverges. We will eventually reach a level of frustration and tell him to move…stop…stay. Followed by “argh!” or something similar. I have almost twisted an ankle or dropped my food just trying to step around or over Dougie. God does NOT get annoyed. The human race began with God wanting to be with Adam and Eve. When the first disobedience was committed, the ultimate consequence was physical separation from God. Since then, He has placed the longing for Eden – where we can be with Him again – in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11). It is why He gave us Jesus – the only way we can return to Him (John 14:6). He provided a way to be in His presence through the tabernacle (Exodus 25:8), even as far back as the Israelites’ departure from Egypt through the cloud and the pillar of fire (Exodus 13:20-22).  But then Jesus revealed that He fulfills the requirements of the Old Testament ways of rules and knowing His presence (Matthew 5:17). When we take the steps to open our heart to His presence, He responds (James 4:8). And not only does He want to be with us, He stated He always will be (Matthew 28:20).

(Shoutout to bible study authors Beth Moore and Kelly Minter, via Lifeway.com. The “with-us God” reference is from Beth’s study, Jesus, the One and Only, and the idolatry reference is from Kelly’s study, No Other Gods.)